Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.
Heaven Calling
What should you do when you think heaven is calling? I mean like literally. What would you say if you could talk to your dead loved one, one more time?
I Didn’t Choose Out
My husband was the kind of unique that was gentle hearted with a twinkle of funness. I miss that with all my heart. I expect to think as highly about my next person and whatever makes him unique.
Watching Dad’s Videos
It’s amazing how watching videos of our lives changes so much after loss. My children ask to watch their Dad’s videos often. How I feel watching them now is so different from when I was watching them while he was alive.
How I Met My Husband
Grant and I met at church. I had just moved to the area at 23. He was the self-appointed greeter. He stood at the entrance doors to the chapel.
Celebrate
Are you feeling the excitement that is building with the spring? I love the energy that comes with spring, it’s all new again like the New Year. Wanting to set new goals and become a new person and change your life in the New Year is repeated with warmth, mud and flowers in the spring.
Sundays Are So Different
I found a video of me asking Grant where he was while we were at the airport. I wanted him to tell the camera audience. How could I have known the meaning of the question “Honey, where are you?” would become so vastly different.
Grant Was My Safe Place
He was my safe place. Our world lived and grew within itself. It created a story that was never going to end, until it did. My rock, my safety left the earth world, our family world and our TKOR world all in one instance.
Our Weekly Date Night
These last 4 years since you died, have been really tough on me. Because of that, I’ve been really angry at you, mostly for leaving me here, alone and to take care of things. It’s left me feeling betrayed and abandoned by you. So I’ve pushed you away. Please forgive me.
I Can Take Myself Dancing
I can buy myself flowers, write my name in the sand… I can take myself dancing. I can hold my own hand.
How to Get a Natural Tan in the Winter
This last week has been tough for me. I took my kids on a cruise and haven’t posted any pictures because it was all so hard for me. I”m back now and I’ll recoup and return to my life; my wild crazy, filled with little balls of energy and curiosity life with my boys. For this moment:
A Lovely Valentines
This morning I woke up to flower petals strewn all over outside my bedroom and down my stairs to the kitchen.
I’m so grateful for the many people who cared about me today. Thank you.
Date Nights with Grant
Dear Grant,
These 4 years since you died have been tough on me. I’ve been really angry at you and mostly for leaving. I’ve felt betrayed and abandoned by you, so I’ve pushed you away. Forgive me, I want to remember the good times.
I Just Had To…
Look at this! It’s so beautiful here where I live. I’m out here right now in the mountains near where I live. I just had to come out here into nature. With the snow falling, the ground and the rest of everything covered in fluffy frozen water; I just had to come out here and be in it.
Isn’t It Beautiful?!
Isn’t it beautiful?! The Christmas tree and presents waiting for the kids in the morning. It’s the whole Christmas vibe. I love it. I feel it this year. This is the first year since my husband died 4 years ago that I have wrapped presents and felt a little bit of excitement about the holiday. It feels good.
Good Beautiful Morning
It’s a gloomy rainy cloudy day today. And it is absolutely beautiful. I love being out here on my new porch on this beautiful morning, cloudy or rainy or not. As I am sitting here, I am contemplating my life, as I do when I have the chance to sit for a moment.
A Beautiful Morning
Today, this morning out on my new porch it is just breathtakingly beautiful, not because of the leaves and flowers, but because of the amazing sun coming up and dropping its light into my backyard, onto my face and hands. It feels so good, so refreshing, and so peaceful.
Heavy Bag Love Letter
I remember a time when making videos was your uber focus. I remember how you wanted to make as many videos as you could. Your audience was all you could think about.
I Really Loved You
I really loved you Grant. I did. It’s not that I don’t have love for you. I do. I just realized that the love I once had for you is changed, but it was real when it was what it once was. It was deep, as deep as one can love another.
Grief Room
I found it, the room that is filled with all the grief I’ve ever known. I didn’t know that I was pushing it away so much until I found the place buried inside of me. I sat breathing slowly, deeply on the floor of my room with my eyes closed with my mind open and my heart reaching.
