Grant Was My Safe Place
What we created was like a world within a world within a world. The world within where we both were existing, this earth. We had our family and our own little world from that. We also had the TKOR channel that existed in our little family’s world.
He was my safe place, in all those areas. Our world lived and grew within itself. It created a story that was never going to end, until it did. My rock, my safety left the earth world, our family world and our TKOR world all in one instance.
I didn’t even know how to breathe alone at first. For me, grief has been something that I haven’t known how to share. It hurts too much. And to put it into words is hard, the words I do form don’t really speak to its reality either, making it feel impossible to share.
It has been an isolated journey, a journey showing me my soul’s darkest parts. Parts too dark sometimes to even believe they are real, and yet they are. It is also a journey that’s showing me how much light is possible for a soul, for my soul.
How brilliant my soul is. How do you let anyone into that process? You can’t. So, I’m sharing things about Grant instead, because I’m in a place with capacity to share that. It tells me I’ve been healing from the hurting parts I was afraid of and afraid to share.
When it hurts, I retreat. I don’t know how feel that much pain, let alone share it, so I hide; for better or worse. It’s a way of coping. To come out of that and start to share parts of that inner world I keep so deeply protected, tells me I’m healing and even now thriving.
There is hope. The depth of pain and the process it demands, creates an expansion to be capable, able to feel more. To feel more means more of everything. It means both the joy and the pain. I have been given an opportunity in this.
It is to cultivate greater capacity to love and be loved. But it is also the greater capacity to be hurt. I will love you forever Grant Thompson. Even though the time we had here in this world has ended. Even though I’m just starting to come to terms with that reality.
Because of you Grant, I hurt more than I ever knew was even possible. And because of you, I can and will love more than I ever have before. Grant, I am grateful for who and what you were and even what you are now in my life.