Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.
Sundays Are So Different
I found a video of me asking Grant where he was while we were at the airport. I wanted him to tell the camera audience. How could I have known the meaning of the question “Honey, where are you?” would become so vastly different.
Grant Was My Safe Place
He was my safe place. Our world lived and grew within itself. It created a story that was never going to end, until it did. My rock, my safety left the earth world, our family world and our TKOR world all in one instance.
The B.S. of Surrender-Grieving Part V
Surrender? Oh what bullshit! A lovely idea, surrender and things just seem to magically fall into peace, and you’ll feel better. It’s not that simple.
Sorry Doesn’t Help-Grief Part IV
It's almost always the first thing people say when I tell them I lost my husband. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” “Thank you" I say and try to move on because I don’t want to wallow in the sorry.
Ask Different Questions-Grief Part III
When people ask me, “How are you doing?” the automatic response is “good, fine” etc. After my husband died when I heard that question it was a different answer in my mind.
Keep Coming Back-Grief Part II
The people who kept coming back made all the difference. The ones who didn’t give up on me. When you keep coming around; even though the grieving person isn’t the most fun company or doesn’t seem to appreciate your efforts or is just plain negative to be around; don’t let it get you down.
How to Help a Person in Grief Part l
A person in grief usually doesn’t know what they need or want. When someone asked, what can I do? I usually didn’t know. I can’t tell you how many times someone said, ‘I’ve been thinking about you.
How to Help a Person in Grief
It is different for everyone. No matter what the situation; when grief is present, the human emotion of suffering loss, it is deep and unexplainable. It is a feeling that can only be shared by those who have lost. Everyone experiences grief on some level and as life goes, it gets deeper and deeper.
The First Time I Left Them
I was so afraid to leave them for the first time, after their dad died. I had to take a picture before I left. It was just in case it was the last time I saw them. I wanted to make sure to have that last moment with me captured. We didn’t have that when dad died.
Incomplete Grief
It’s those things you didn't get to say before you didn't have the chance anymore. Of course you didn’t know you wouldn’t have the chance. The human brain seems to think that things won’t change. Although the evidence that is constant is, that change is the only thing constant.
Lens Of Grief
I realized another thing recently. A part of that dichotomy I described before of seeing beauty and feeling pain together and they are one and the same in me, existing together with no separation.
Unconditional Love
This little sign, it was a Valentine gift from one of my best friends. It’s April. We have that kind of relationship. I’ll take a Valentine's gift any day of the year. I don’t expect anything on Valentines from her nor her from me, but we can give gifts any time and it’s beautiful to receive.
Marbles and Grief
I felt the grief take over me. It was the first time or it felt like it. It feels like the first time every time. Maybe because it’s new, maybe because it’s different every time. A friend shared with me a beautiful story of small objects that now have symbolic meaning to him because of certain experiences he’s had. He placed these objects together and took a picture to have it all in one place to remember.
Sleeping With Angels
My little boy is sleeping next to me. Nearly every night one of my boys asks, “Mom, can I sleep with you?” The question always gives me conflict. I see you. A tiny person who wants to be close to the big person who makes you feel safe. Who is safe. The one who they know is their ‘home.’ I fully understand I am their safe place.
