Living is a whole new adventure when you suddenly find yourself alone, widowed and the mother of four young boys a lot like their Dad.
Good Beautiful Morning
It’s a gloomy rainy cloudy day today. And it is absolutely beautiful. I love being out here on my new porch on this beautiful morning, cloudy or rainy or not. As I am sitting here, I am contemplating my life, as I do when I have the chance to sit for a moment.
Training Up a Child Part III
As I trained the new grapevines, I could almost hear, ‘just remember Janae, remember where you came from. Remember this blood, our family, you, me; who we are, and how I am with you.’
Lens Of Grief
I realized another thing recently. A part of that dichotomy I described before of seeing beauty and feeling pain together and they are one and the same in me, existing together with no separation.
Will It Stop Hurting
I sat in my backyard. Alone. The moon was full and radiating light that illuminated the yard in the darkness in only the way a full moon can. It felt like that moonlight pierced the darkness in a way that fought so strongly against the darkness taking over.
Paying For Mistakes Part III
So what happened to my son to warrant him being so upset and running away because of this rock wall?? What could have possibly “made” him run away?? Well, let’s be clear, nothing made him run away, he chose to do that to cope with his feelings. Here’s why.
Beauty
Beauty has taken on a whole other meaning again. I love beautiful things. This morning as I was getting ready, I felt beautiful. Not like I felt like I looked beautiful, but as I settled into the feeling of being in my body, walking into the bathroom, surrounded by the silence of being alone; that is also now a state of being for me. I felt the feeling of beautiful inside me.
Beautiful Alternate Reality
There’s a mother I know, she’s not what the world would consider beautiful on the outside. She’s pale, overweight, stressed, she struggles in her marriage and you can see hurt in her eyes when she looks up and tries to smile. She believes in God, but feels like she’s not good enough for God’s standard, so her light dims. I can see the heavens shed a tear in the moment that the beauty of her life is missed.
I See Your Beauty
I don’t know why but for some reason I have a constant desire to love. The kind of love that is unconditional. And I do. A lot of the time anyway. When I see you, I see what you’re becoming. I didn’t realize this until today. I was given such a beautiful day, and at the end of the day, I realized why this ordinary day was so beautiful. It’s because I don’t see people as they are right now.
