It’s Always the Man

It's always the men who call. When there’s a problem with any of the boys in the neighborhood, it’s the dad who calls me.  When there is a business, transaction or interest, its always the husband who calls me. What they don’t know but I noticed is that it’s always the man.

Women don’t seem to call when they have a man in their life. It’s not that I’m being sexist. It’s just that I notice it because I don’t have a man who asks for me. I don’t have my man to advocate for me or for my kids or for my needs  when I need someone to help.

One electrician I had, installed a charger for me at my home.  I needed to move it to go to my new house. He came and took it out, but never even brought it to my new house, let alone installed it there. 

I had called and called to find out when he could bring it and install it in my new house. After many many weeks of this, he still had never even returned my calls. I texted and called and he never responded at all.

I was dating a man at the time and told him about it. He called the electrician and the electrician answered. This man told him to bring it back or he would get the authorities involved to come get the charger. 

It was returned to me the next day. After weeks and weeks of me trying on my own when I had so much to do and children to take care of and so much effort put into trying to get this back without a response.  A man made one call and got it back for me. 

I was grateful to get it back and I was also sad that that’s what it took to get a response.  It’s in those moments, I feel sad and mad.  I’m on my own and not by choice. I wanted a partnership with a good man and that’s why I married. When I lost it, I lost a part of myself. 

That was something I had relied on and depended on to make myself feel whole. Now I’m learning to say, “Here baby”, to my son,  “Do you want to go first?” I’m learning to do things on my own as well. I never had to do it before and it’s a challenge sometimes. 

I do become better one for it but that does not make it any less hard when I need extra help and I don’t get it.  Unfortunately in this world, there is still an inequality that as a single mom and single woman I have to fight against this.

What people and families don’t realize is that what is so present for me, is that I’m the only one to advocate for myself. Others, they have a support system they use and have. I have extended support, but it don’t have this. I just notice and I miss my protector. It’s hard to do all the things he used to do and I’m also grateful that I am capable.